I marveled at the girl in my class who could save her candy for later. That lonely piece of candy would scream at me from the corner of her desk, and I couldn't believe she wasn't going to eat it right away. Come on! It could get dusty, or knocked off, or ... or ... I don't know, just forgotten! How could she do this? What gene did she have that I didn't?
I marveled at the girl who didn't eat anything, or very much of anything at lunch. She just didn't seem to care about food. HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ABOUT FOOD?! She was thin, pretty, and the boys loved her. I cared about eating. I was usually starving by lunch, and don't think about cutting in front of me in line! I wasn't as thin as the girl who didn't care about food, but I wasn't fat either. Until now. I still care about food.
I marvel at my husband, who can save his candy and doesn't care about food. Ok, he cares about food a little, but he FORGETS to eat if he's working. Who forgets to eat? I know, I just told you Chad does. Guess who stays thin? Guess who has tons of energy? Guess who can still wear the same clothes as when we were first married? Chad. Sometimes I want to scream. He got the gene and I didn't.
I don't know if my food issues came from having to guard my plate from my family members. (They would steal food off my plate when I weren't looking, simply to be funny. My grandfather could switch plates with you if you weren't careful. He was good.) Maybe my issues come from growing up very poor, and knowing what food stamps were at a very young age, and what getting food pantry food meant. We went through some hard times when I watched my parents worry about where the next meal was going to come from. My food issues could just be my bad habits, or my desire to seek comfort from food instead of God. All I know is I have issues.
My weight is now a problem. I am lethargic, and my back aches from all the pounds it has to support. I get scared when I accidentally see myself in the mirror when I am changing clothes...I try to avoid it as much as possible. I stopped exercising when I started having kids. I just didn't take the time, I thought joining a sports league was selfish, and finding a babysitter all the time was a hassle. After 8 years of this my body needs a new course of action. Heck, it needs any action it can get!
Keeping the theme of resolutions, here's my physical resolution. Get healthy in 2008. I need accountability and a measurable plan of action. I joined the Temple Builders group at church. Pretty much all I do is weigh myself after church and my friend keeps track of everyone's numbers. My sister has done the same. This gives me a measureable record. I am reading Body Clutter by Marla Cilley and LeAnne Eli. This book is helping me to investigate where my eating philosophy comes from. I haven't gotten too far into it, but it seems to help others. I am actively trying to stop eating after 8 pm. I am only having one plate of food at meals. I am getting up from the table when I am done, even if everyone isn't done yet. (I tend to keep eating to have something to do.) I haven't come up with a plan for exercise yet, I think I have too many excuses (finding a babysitter, the expense of a gym membership, have you ever tried to work out with a video with 5 kids and 2 dogs?!).
I am praying for God to show me how I can fit exercise in my life. He always delivers.
